2011 Coming To A Close

Wow, is it really possible that 2011 is almost over already? How can it be that another year has come and gone and I managed to accomplish nothing yet again?!?! Nah, I'm just kidding...this year has actually been interesting, fun and challenging in many ways. So here's my recap of the events that stand out the most to me.

Purchased a new car! Now that everything has been settled with my accident, I was able to buy a car and by buy, I mean buy :) Not having a car payment is SO nice!

I moved into my new apartment that I almost burned down my first day there. In the short months that I've lived here, I have quickly fallen in love with my home. Love everything about it and it feels so wonderful coming home each night.

A major highlight this year was the birth of my new nephew Nathan! Nothing compares to the feeling of having a new baby to snuggle and love on. What makes this experience even better is the fact that the second he begins to fuss or cry, I can immediately give him back to his mommy. Aww, the perks to being an aunt :)

In this last year, I feel like I've really been an asset to both places I work for. Work has always been rewarding for me but there's something about knowing you're truly needed or make a difference.

If any of you know my Dad, you'll know he's pretty knowledgeable when it comes to the gospel. On a few separate occasions this year in attending his gospel doctrine class, I knew some of the answers to the questions he asked. This may not be a big deal to some of you, but for me it is HUGE! I am often envious of my father and wish I knew more when it comes to the gospel. Although my learning process is beyond slow, understanding and even knowing what he was talking about before the other class members was very rewarding as it shows me that I am making progress!

Now for the 2 biggest events that have or are taking place! I have come to have a new love and appreciation for my family. Many wonderful people have come in and out of my life and have left lasting impressions, but it is my family who is consistently and always there for me. They are the people I can laugh and joke with. The ones I go to for support and advice. My sounding board at times, and the ones who see the real me...including my faults and weaknesses. I realize that they are everything to me. What a blessing they have been and will continue to be in my life!

Last and perhaps the most crazy, exciting and scary of all is the move I'll be making the end of this year. I'm doing something so out of character for me and moving 2,000 miles away to North Carolina! Weird right? Ya, I can't believe I'm doing it either. My mom pointed out the other night to me how I often feel right about a decision but, at times, talk myself out of it because I'm afraid to do it. Well this is me not talking myself out of moving. Although it terrifies me and the thought of leaving my family makes me sick to my stomach, I'm trusting the Lord and taking that step in the dark and hoping my faith will guide and direct me.

Needless to say, this has been a learning year for me and I hope the lessons I've learned stay with me always. I'm incredibly blessed and give thanks for all that has been sent my way! I wish my friends and family a very Merry Christmas and hope you can take a second and reflect on all the good that this year has brought. The good may be hard to find, but if we really look, we will always find it :)

A Large Order of Self-Doubt and a Side of Melancholy

Have you ever stopped and thought to yourself, "This is not what I ordered. I specifically asked for a problem-free, blissful life." If only it could be that simple. To wake each morning, call out your order, and go about your day knowing what is to come. I think it's safe to say, none of us would ask for a hearty helping of trials and complications...at least not the majority of us :) Instead, we each get to arise each morning, make the mental choice to go forward with a good attitude and then take whatever is thrown at us and hope for the best. I like to think there have been many times I've succeeded and not let a rotten day get the better of me, but then again, there have been MANY times when I have bombed completely. And let me tell ya, I bring the art of failing to a whole new level!

If any of you out there are like me, when you come upon these "failed" moments, you take a trip down memory lane and dredge up past failed memories to dwell upon. Why I choose to inflict myself of this bizarre sense of torture I do not know, but I can't seem to help but do it. Upon realizing my twisted ritual, I decided that I needed to learn more about myself and why I do this and low and behold, I may just be at the beginning of understanding!!!

Here's what I've learned: Life and experiences change who we are. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. How it changes or molds us is to be determined by each of us individually. In my opinion, my changes have not all been for the good. In reading a letter the other night that was given to me years ago from my mother, I couldn't help but be envious of the person I use to be. She described me as quiet, quick to laugh and always able to find the joy in life. What I appreciated the most was when she said she admired my ability to be a peacemaker. This is when the side of melancholy kicked in, for I realized that the term "peacemaker" is not an adjective that is used in conjunction with me anymore. How was this possible? Could life have changed me this much???

I immediately put the letter away and climbed into bed to be left alone with my thoughts...which to be honest, were not comforting. I was quick to jump to my defense and use trials and poor experiences as my excuse. But that didn't last for long as I thought of the words spoken by the Lord to the Prophet Joseph Smith, "Know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." (D&C 122:7) I had clearly not let my trials work for my good. If anything, I had done exactly what the adversary had wanted. I let fear, self-doubt and callused feelings take control. If life is not what I had ordered, I only have one person to blame.

Although I can not go back and change the last few years, I can begin now to get back a little of who and what I lost. The most beautiful part is that I won't be doing it alone and can take the stronger woman that I am now and blend her with the compassionate person I use to be. I'm learning that having compassion and a tender heart are not weak attributes. Something that I tried so hard to distance myself from, are some of the things I realize I need and want the most. How fortunate we are to have the continual blessing of life's teachings. I will not regret who I have become but learn from this person and begin to develop myself into who I want to be.

How grateful I am for a loving Heavenly Father who knows us each so well and individually that He gives us challenges tailored specifically for us. I thank Him for the opportunity to take each new day and try a little harder to become the woman I should be and for the humbling moments that keep me working!!!

Better Late Than Never :)

I've found in my short 9, 497 days of life, give or take a few, that at the begin of each new year, most people set new goals for themselves. I can honestly admit that I have never once managed to keep a New Year's resolution. Yep, I am that pathetic. So, in honor of 2011, "The Year of Annie," I opted to try something a little different. Instead of making promises to myself I know I won't keep (a good example of this would be my ever so often attempts at giving up Mt. Dew, ya who am I kidding???) I'm trying a new experiment and hoping for the best outcome!

To better explain exactly what I'm doing, I have to give you some quick background information. While I was home in St. George with my family over Christmas, my dad and I had a very honest, brutal and wonderful conversation. I say brutal only because he said several things I needed to hear. Although hearing truth can be painful, I am ever so grateful for his words and the love with which they were said. It was this very conversation that has had my brain reeling for several weeks now.

I know what you must be thinking, "Annie's brain reeling? Never!" Yes, it's true, my brain has been on overdrive. Hard to believe that a person like me who over-thinks and analyzes every little thing could possibly have more to ponder about. I guess I have much to consider based on several events that have recently taken place. As much as it pains me to sound cliche when I so love originality, the past few months have been the most trying months in my life. I have been broken both physically, emotionally and spiritually. I've been humbled, begged and pleaded others for help, cried myself to sleep and then been humbled again. It was in this humility and with the words from my father that I was able to see just how much changing my life is in need of.

Although it saddens me to always be the slow learner in the family, I can't help but be grateful for the phrase, "better late than never." My life has been long overdue for a positive change and I'm hopeful that through the Atonement, the power of prayer and the love of my Savior, I can begin to make the changes I so desperately want and need. The picture included with this post is my favorite photograph taken by Mark Mabry. It was appropriately given the title, "Healing." One's eyes may be taken directly to the Savior as he heals this blind man but my eyes immediately go to the blind man's hands as he clutches the Savior. If you look closely you can see goosebumps on his arm. What an incredible feeling that must have been to be healed by the son of God!!

Once again, I thank my dad for his words, my mother for her strength and encouragement and for the experiences that have brought me to this pivotal point in my life to begin the healing process. I love my Savior with all my heart and am ever so grateful for His gift!!!

Purple People Eater???

"It was a red-haired, green-eyed, freckled, purple people eater,
A red-haired, green-eyed, freckled, purple people eater.
A red-haired, green-eyed, freckled, purple people eater,
Sure looked strange to me!"

Okay, so maybe I'm overstating this a bit too much, but my stalker does have purple lips...AHHhhhh!!!!! After sharing my "stalker" experience on the phone with Renae today, I felt selfish not sharing it with others, so I've finally decided to start a blog and dedicate my posts to be all about my weird day to day happenings. I know what you're all thinking, "Will Annie have enough time to blog all these moments?" Probably not, but I will give it my best shot. So here goes!

I just started a new ward a few weeks back. So far I really love it and look forward to every Sunday. Last Sunday started out fairly normal, got to Sacrament meeting, found a place to sit and then did what any normal 25 year old single female would do...I busted out my crayons, coloring book and fishy crackers to entertain me while the speakers gave their talks. A pretty good meeting in my opinion. Once the closing prayer was given, I collected my things and stood up to take my leave. I didn't get very far before I was stopped dead in my tracks as the red-haired, green-eyed, freckled, purple people eater man stopped me. I'll spare you the details of the 20 min. conversation and give you the condensed version. This guy was not a member of the ward, or even LDS for that matter. That was his first Sunday "checking out the Mormons" (his words) and boy did he check us out. He told me this story of how he was in love with a woman he's never met who looks just like me and he wanted to know if I was that woman? Hmm, what to say??? Anyways, back to the story, so he talks, talks and talks before I finally interject and explain that I'm late for Sunday school. I invite him to attend even though more than anything I wanted to bolt from the building. Gospel Doctrine went better than I thought it would. The lesson was captivating and before I knew it, I had to bid my new friend farewell. Before I could escape completely however, he heard me talking to the Elders about working at Deseret Book in the evenings. I'm sure you can guess where this story is leading........

Normally I don't like Tuesdays and yesterday wasn't any different. If anything, it took the cake! Around 6:30 last night while I was putting books away, the door to the bookstore opened and as I came around the corner to greet our new shopper, I immediately come to a screeching halt and was filled with complete dread. My "new friend" had found me! Once again, I'll give you the condensed version of our hour long conversation and spare you the pain that I was forced to endure. Here's how it went down, "Annie, I'll just come straight to the point, I believe in my heart you're the woman for me....are you seeing someone?" At that precise moment my shoulder angels appeared. Obviously the one on my right shoulder, dressed in white encouraged me to be honest and forth coming, while my naughty left shouldered angel ever so softly told me to RUN!!!!!! Instead, I did the only rational thing a girl could do and I created an imaginary boyfriend.

I'll admit that a teeny tiny part of me wanted to be evil and tell this guy that I'm into girls, but I couldn't bring myself to mess with him quite like that. So for now, I'm very much into my imaginary boyfriend and yes, we are thinking marriage for those of you who are wondering :-)